The Virus of Anger

Good Evening Friends,

I have found it incredibly useful to view any powerful, uncomfortable energy of suffering through the metaphor of a virus. 

Let me outline the basic life cycle of a virus (in a very non-scientific way). They enter the body via some pathway - through the mouth, a bite, an inhalation, an injection. The virus material is put into the body in a way particular to that virus. The virus then uses the various structures and functions of the host body to create more of itself, and eventually uses the host body to be expelled, either into another host, or into the environment where in time a new host will become infected. 

The common cold enters the body of a host, propagates using the cells and life force of the host body, and then causes the host to expel the virus into the environment such that the cycle will begin anew.

Now consider, have you had a cold?  Presumably yes. Have you inadvertently propagated the cold germs, and then, equally inadvertently,  spread them via a sneeze or cough? I imagine the answer is yes. 

Now further consider... did you ever, while the cold was occupying your body and using it to propagate, did you ever believe that because the cold was in you that you WERE the cold? I imagine that you did not. I imagine that you figured that you had a cold, not that you WERE the cold. 

Let us make a leap from virus to the energy of some particular unconscious material that causes suffering and see how the metaphor of virus may help alleviate some of the mistaken identity we fall prey to. 

Take anger. When you are in the midst of an up well of anger, when it is hot and rising through your core, do you consider it to be YOU because it is in you and you are experiencing it, because you feel it? Many of us do. Many of us have never realized there may be an alternative Truth. That maybe we are not the anger, that instead we are that which the anger is arising and expressing through. 

I posit that when you were a little boy or girl a caregiver experienced an up well of anger that they were unable to contain due to lack of consciousness. The anger sought to be expelled, out of them and into whatever was handy, in this case the little boy or girl that was you. 

Depending on the availability of consciousness in your caregiver the anger was expelled out of them and into you in a variety of ways. It could have been devastatingly physical, resulting in overt and obvious bodily damage, it could have been covert, and resulted in less visible physical harm. It could have been expelled through a range of harsh and hurtful screams, yells, and utterances of disdain, disgust, and disapproval. Further, it could have been transmitted to you purely energetically, simply being in the energetic milieu of anger is enough to transmit anger from one being into another. 

And so the virus of anger was transmitted from the caregiver to the little you. Was this your fault? Or did it just happen? Could you have prevented this transmission? No, I think not. You were little and your brain and body did not have the means to understand what was going on, nor to protect itself. 

Fast forward to now. Here is the up well of anger, coursing though you body, spiking up into you mind, taking over.  

This is what viruses do.

When the conditions are right (something triggered you, likely something related to the scenario when you were little and became infected) the virus will co-opt the body and life force of the person and use it to propagate itself. This is exactly what is happening in you when you experience anger, the virus of anger has taken over your body and mind, and is using you to propagate itself. Do you see it?

And then, depending on the amount of consciousness available within, and depending on the make up of your childhood and current life situation, the anger will be propelled out of your body and energy field and into whatever is handy. It may be a pet, a wall, the air, that driver, your child, friend, or partner. 

You are innocent. We are good good people, and if we could stop the transmission, we would. We just would, and if we can't stop it we simply do not have the necessary amount of presence and consciousness yet to be able. It is a question of available consciousness, nothing more, nothing less. There is no wrong-doing here, only the level of presence or consciousness of all involved. 

Look back. Look at your lineage and see. Can you remember any stories or off-hand remarks that your parents or grandparents made? 

Can you find the lineage of this virus? Can you watch its transmission, propagation, and eventual expulsion into the next generation? Does some moment, perhaps long forgotten, arise now showing you the event of infection? Our childhoods are peppered with them, and if you take the time to look back much will be revealed. 

Remember, we do not do this to torture ourselves or relive the pain over and over, instead we do it now to let our deep consciousness See what was actually happening such that we can begin to heal. 

When we first encounter this kind of memory it can take a little while before we realize that it was abuse. Children experience abuse with their child brain and body, they don't usually realize that what is happening to them is inappropriate. 

It takes awhile for our adult brains and current level of consciousness to realize that what happened to us as a child was abuse. 

It is easier to see in another at first. It is also easier to see when our own children reach the age when we were abused.

We are innocent, whether we are the agent of infection or the host. It is a cycle, host becomes infector, the innocently infected becomes perpetrator. The cycle, the anger, the beings, all of the components of this cycle are innocent.

The only thing that heals this cycle is consciousness. That's it. Once there is sufficient consciousness in a perpetrator they can stop infecting. Once there is sufficient consciousness in a host they can bring their wounding to the light before they innocently and unconsciously infect one with less power than they. 

Shame and identification are what keeps us from bringing these wounds and traumas to the light. The belief that we are the monster is what keeps us from healing. 

I have so much more to say, but I think this is enough for now. 

Rest. You are innocent. You are here to heal. 

I am here and I am able to sit with this kind of trauma, wounding, and perpetration. Please reach out to me if you want support.

I write this for someone may need it today, and be helped.

Let us be so tender and kind with each other and ourselves, and when we cannot, may we be so tender and kind with that. It is as it should be.

I wish you so much love today,
Evangeline

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